Alfred's Shopping Trip
by Swisstalia
Summary: ALfred takes a casual trip to the shop, and buys some spray.  Little does he know it will offend his canadian sister deeply.  We do not own Hetalia.


"PUT THE AIR FRESHENER AWAY!" Madeline screeched chasing after Alfred with a giant metal pancake. "OR I'LL KILL YOU WITH A CAT AND SHIT IN YOUR BED!"

"BUT MADDIE IT'S HAMBUGERS HOW CAN THAT BE OFFENSIVE!" Alfred cried running as fast as his burger filled legs would take him, which apparently wasn't fast enough because Madeline was right on his heels and about to squash him. If only he had gotten Maple air freshener instead but no, Hamburger was the scent that filled the house and the sounds were of a highly pissed off Canadian and a terrified American. If only.

_Alfred stared at the aisle of air fresheners. His hand itched towards one that said 'Hamburgers'. He knew that Maddie wouldn't particularly like it but she always got to have Maple air freshener. Suddenly a man in a black cloak appeared . Alfred couldn't see his face and he had a creepy aurora around him, also his cloak said "I like to kick baby kittens and eat babies" so he had to be trust worthy._

_"Pick the hamburger one and all of your dreams will come true" He reassured the American._

_"Okay!" Alfred yelled so loudly that all of the bottles except the hamburger one exploded. Fancy that!_

_He snatched it off the aisle and went straight to the checkout to buy it._

When he arrived home he sprayed it in every room. Maddie unlocked the door and slowly stepped inside. She took a deep breath and her violet eyes widened. She began to choke and splutter. The horrible smell was like hamburgers!

"Al!" She croaked. Alfred bounded down the staircase and glomped her. They fell to the ground and Maddie shoved him gently. He leapt up, pulling her with him.

"Do you like it?" He asked her excitedly. His ocean blue eyes were full of joy.

She sighed. "No Al. It's offensive." She said quietly. Alfred stared at her, his eyes registering shock.

"Maddie?" He gasped. "How is it offensive?" He said sadly.

"It... it doesn't smell like Mayple Syrup!" She burst into tears. Alfred stared at her in shock.

"Put it away please Al." She said softly. He frowned.

"No." He snapped. Maddie's mood soured.

"Put it away Alfred." She said sternly. Her voice was quivering with the effort she put in to make it loud. Alfred noticed the warning sign but brushed it away.

"You can't tell me what to do Maddie." He responded angrily.

Maddie pinched the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger. "Put...It...Away...Alfred." She said, slowly and emphasising anger in every syllable. Alfred gawped at her.

"Oh come on Maddie you can't be serious!" Alfred exclaimed.

Maddie sighed. Slowly, she strode over to the kitchen drawer. Her hand clenched around the knob and she yanked the draw open. She grabbed something out of it and her knuckled whitened around the handle. Alfred screamed in a way that was totally manly and didn't sound like a three year old at all as Maddie displayed to him a giant metal pancake. She began to sharpen it and then strode towards him. He squealed and sprayed hamburger in her face.

"Maddie! It's just some air freshener chiilllll!"

"You hurt my feelings Al. Now you pay." She said to her brother menacingly. Then she chased him around the house. He screamed girlishly the whole time spraying hamburger everywhere. You know, he could've just put it away? Alfred sprayed in her face until it ran out and her face melted into a pile of maple. Then she sucked in a deep breath and tossed the pancake at her brother. It went straight through his chest and a hamburger popped out. Also he got a massive hole in his chest. That tends to happen when people throw giant metal pancakes at you.

Silence suddenly filled the room and Alfred's hand touched the pancake. Blood pooled at his feet and he stared at Maddie. She was sobbing.

"Al. Al don't die!" She begged him. Well what did she think would happen. He smiled weakly and fell to the ground. His eyes glazed over and he stared ahead blankly. Maddie knelt at his side and pulled out the pancake. "Great, now I have to wash this again!" She whined and walked away boredly.

Alfred's body remained in the living room, rotting for years until someone finally noticed the idiot wasn't showing up to any meetings and that America had turned into a giant mouldy hamburger. Idiots. They didn't blame Maddie of course, she was to sweet and innocent. Maddie sighed and stared down at the rotting Hamburger. Then she hauled it into the trash. She chucked it out and skipped away, humming a happy song about butterflies rainbows and sparkles to herself. She didn't care if her brother was dead. He was annoying anyway. She didn't have to waste so much of her money on hair oils for him now.

The End.

* * *

Yay Crack! :D This happened after a little fight with my brother that Molly was watching over Skype :D

Maggii~


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